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badgerskunk
7th October 2006, 06:10
I wrote this as a blog to my friends thought you guys might enjoy it.

Confrontations in reason

It all began when a certain friend of mine named FOX, lit a bottle rocket and threw it in the air near me, who happened to be near a muddy puddle sitting in a chair. I sit waiting to see if the bottle rocket will "hilariously" launch near my person and scare me and of course it lands on the chair and wedges between my ass and the fabric. Before it explodes I panick. try to escape the chair quikly, slip in the muddy puddle and fall in causing mud to cake to one of the legs of my jeans.

These jeans, whoever, weren't "normal" jeans. They were swedish, and they were a special type of denim known as dry denim that can't be cleaned for the first six months at least not laundered. If you care at all and want to know why go to www.mynudies.com or to www.nudiejeans.com. So they were muddy, I couldnt wash them and I now have to dry clean them.

This is about to get good.

So I take them to Red Hangar next to Crown Burger in layton. I tell the girl when I drop them off, these are made of a special denim that cannot be laundered and I need these dry cleaned, even if it only gets some of the mud off. She nods her head and I repeat myself again because I am afraid she is blowing me off. I leave.

I return the following day, and when I pick them up, they are wet, shrunk at least an inch in every dimension, and the "sheen" associated with an unwashed dry denim is clearly missing. I tell the girl working, she acknowledges the moisture, and tells me to come back when the manager is on duty.

I return, a week later to talk to a woman, who was, to say the least, a testament to the degree of variation in human intellegence. Upon first glance, she appears to be an "average" human, but as the conversation develops it becomes more and more apparent that she is living in an alternate dimension, completely devoid of reason and science where are all physical and moral truths are determined entirely by her convinctions and assertions. As I try to explain the difference between the pair of unwashed dry jeans from the same company that I brought in, and the washed pair that they ruined I am continually interrupted by her, spewing the same sentence over and over "but when we dry clean them they dont get wet we would have had to launder them". At this point, I am relatively stumped, as I am not well versed in mainting a meaningful dialogue with human beings not yet past the concrete thinking stage. I become more and more frustrated at this point. I try once again to penetrate her wall of denial and break the pattern of meaningless contradiction and assertions without evidence; I say to her "the girl who is working here right now whom I picked the jeans up from, has told you in front of me that she felt the jeans and that they were very wet up top, and she has nothing to gain from siding with me, if anything she has everything to gain from siding with you, her boss". At this point she replies "She hasn't worked here long enough to tell something like that".

This comment hits me like a punch to the stomach, and this is when I realize I may as well be arguing with a dog, or a baby. I reply in as calm a voice I can muster but still bubbling with anger and ever so slightly shaky "So what you are saying then, is that, your experience working at a dry cleaners makes it possible for you to tell when a garment is wet or when it is dry, and without this experience, which you have, it is impossible or at least unlikely that someone like me or her could make this distinction, between wet and dry". She replies yes, with a look in her eyes that tells me that she didnt actually hear what I just said, or that she did, but the round pegs I was shooting werent fitting into the square holes in her head. I decide to quit trying to "win" and instead at this point resort to extremely mean subtle sarcasm. The fact that she is too stupid to pick up on it suprisingly isnt gratifying, it makes me angrier and I just leave after getting the number for the "service lady" from her.

To wrap things up, the "service lady" happens to be a relatively normal human being with most of her faculties of reason intact and is sympathetic to my cause. She calls the Red Hangar, and then calls the woman who was working when my jeans were to be cleaned. This woman explains that she did in fact, launder my jeans. This is annoying when you consider the fact that the manager at the Red Hangar insisted well over ten times that she could "just tell" that they had not been laundered. As this fact is revealed to me over the phone, my teeth clench and I envision the manager of red hangar nailed to a cross, on fire, screaming and me taking pictures with my digital camera so I never forget the feeling of intense satisfaction that will suredly never be matched again in my lifetime.

The "service lady" agrees to replace my jeans, and when I go back into Red Hangar to drop off the ruined pair and my receipt the manager refuses to come out and talk to me.

I feel a lot better now, the judgeathon is over and I probably placed second or third.

cameland
7th October 2006, 08:19
can somsone else with a lot of time read this and tell me if its worth reading and acutally funny?

Nudie-joch.
7th October 2006, 13:54
can somsone else with a lot of time read this and tell me if its worth reading and acutally funny?

on the half I stopped reading, my eyes begin to think..::roll:

maybe i`m just tiered..sorry

lenn
7th October 2006, 14:05
hehehe i can feel your anger mate... i think this is also the reason i won't get my jeans drycleaned, i dont trust other people with my denim ;)

PatrickBanh
13th October 2006, 05:43
LMAO! funniest thing ive read. why didn't you throw them in your own washer?

Fhunkit
14th October 2006, 22:05
I like your writing-style haha :p
especially the part of the 'non-human-being':p

But what a stupid..that alien thing.. damn.. But First I would kick your friend with the rocket !:p